What makes a great negotiator?

For years, I struggled to answer this question. Purely because it’s my view, that great negotiators come in all shapes and sizes, each with unique traits. Some are personable, others are firm; some are creative, while others are process-oriented. Many have a mix of different qualities, making it difficult to pinpoint a single trait that defines them. 

To answer this question concisely felt impossible, until an experience during a negotiation skills session shifted my perspective.

At the start of a workshop with an executive team, I invited attendees to share a bit about themselves, both professionally and personally—something we do at the beginning of every NorthStar session to establish a climate of trust and engagement. 

As we went around the room, one senior leader stood out. She was fully engaged with each person’s story—nodding, smiling, laughing, and asking questions. She listened intently and scribbled notes, acting as if it was her first time meeting everyone, despite having worked with them for years. 

During a break, I had a small peak at the front of her workbook, which I provide for these sessions. 

 I was surprised to see detailed notes on the names of partners, kids, hobbies, and career information for all seven team members! This was unusual; most people are caught up in their own thoughts, focused on what they’ll share about themselves. Rarely do participants give their full attention to others, let alone record what some might see as trivial details.

But she did just that. Whether consciously or subconsciously, she treated this exercise as a valuable opportunity to gather information about her colleagues. She then used this information to build rapport and connections throughout the three-day workshop. 

It was no surprise that she went on to excel in all the exercises, becoming the standout performer of the week, and continues to deliver exceptional results in her commercial role. 

See, negotiation is all about information, and the best negotiators recognise this. They see opportunities to gather insights at every moment and are ready, open, and genuinely curious. They use these moments to learn, connect, and move forward. 

For me, it’s now easier to answer the question: What makes a great negotiator? 

Curiosity. 

The best negotiators are genuinely curious, eager to learn, understand, and challenge their own assumptions. 

For them, negotiation and life is an information game! 

Where information isn’t just power—it’s gold.